Equality in the bedroom

Is there equality with sexual activity? Or does one sex openly or unconsciously dominate?

This isn't about whether or not sex happens - either should be able to say no. It is what happens during sexual activity once both have decided to have sex.

I’m interested in vanilla sex - obviously with Femdom the female has control and with a female sub the male has control. So if you are kinky what happens on your vanilla evenings or used to happen before you became kinky?